Archive for October, 2008
Never before the dark night was so dark
Never before in the lonely hours i was so alone
Never before my sorrow was so sad
Why this pain is so painful?
Why the destiny is so far?
Why am I crying so loud?
(Still nobody is able to hear)
Lets keep this between us
Lets lock this amongst us
What do you see? Aamir Khan?
You will see Determination, Dedication, Perfection, Confidence, Pain, Hard work & Persistence staring at you!! His eyes are modestly laughing at your weak desires of achieving perfection!! His silent, calm and composed mind is crying out loud… “This is how it’s done!!” Look at this picture for 5 minutes and you will start conversing with it. Trust me; he won’t give you a chance to speak.
Now look into the mirror and start conversing with yourself. You will get solution to all your problems. Success lies within us, we just need to explore it. It’s not your reflection that you are seeing; it’s your success that is staring back at you. Of course, you will only see it if you have Determination, Dedication etc..
I won’t say a word,
When you use me,
Use me till i am left with nothing.
Rip me off,
Pinch me hard,
I am dumb and i won’t complain.
Pick my body,
Burn my soul,
I am numb and won’t feel the pain.
Love me for a reason,
Hate me for no reason,
Abuse me, but you have nothing to gain.
Cut me into pieces,
Sell my every bit,
I will let you do anything you want.
Is it worth to lose a friend so special?
Is it worth to make business out of my silence?
Am i weak that I don’t say a word?
Still you hit me, punch me, and finally kill me,
I won’t say a word,
All i crave, is to have the last laugh!!
(Coz somewhere you also know that i am right)
(Music in the background of his room)
“And I’d give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now”
(He got up. Blood stains on his t-shirt reminded him of yesterday. It was 4 in the afternoon. Mixed emotion of anger, frustration and depression was clouding his mind. He wanted to throw his guitar, photos, CDs and everything related to him, to them. He was about to do that when he came across his diary and….)
Yesterday was the worst day of my life, the day when I was not able to update my diary. Every song that I have made till now involved my feelings, my intuition, and my creativity and to some extends my insanity! I wrote every song as a story and stories do have end, same in case of my songs and so same should apply for my diary too. This page will be the last page of my creation and today will be the last day of my creativity.
“And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight”
(He looks at the bag under his chair. Starts taking out the photos from his bag.)
I believed that magical shows are different because they have Magik. I was wrong. I know my vision is not perfect but I am sure this is not the reason I am not able to see anything today.
(Comes across his photo)
I started my life in Mumbai living with him, and I am repenting that today. There was no takeover damn it. It was never that way. But you won’t understand.
“And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When every thing is made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am”
(Comes across her photo)
I know that letter was not enough. But I have nothing left to give you. I don’t expect you to understand me, because I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to suffer. I won’t come back.
“And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive “
(Stops the song on the radio. For him, it was more frustrating. The song was literally narrating his situation. He was feeling mocked at)
Bloody song.. Bloody music.. and Bloody band.. The three mistakes of my life : Guitar,Music & Lyrics
(Puts all those memories in front of him. Grabs the match box lying nearby. And… )
I don’t want to live in this world. Dad was always right. I will have to compromise. Aakhir kaun compromise nahi karta?
(Lights up the match stick)
Damn these photos and Damn this band!
(How can anyone burn his dreams? Though they were shattered and the pain was intolerable. He started stuffing all those things in a box. Box of secrets. Box of memories. Box of his life)
Today my destiny has commanded me to give up. I will have to follow my mind, my dad. I will have to follow the system. I will have to enter this river called life, rather monotonous life. I will have to quit my dream world. I know,the more “will have” I am adding, the more I am cheating myself. I have never seen punishment more severe than the crime. I don’t know, may be the crime is too serious. But it’s too intense to forget.
(Starts for Delhi)
(That day he pressed the Stop button of his musical life, not knowing that it was only an extended Pause. A Pause of Ten years)
Note:- There are many technical flaws in this article. Like he left for Delhi the moment he left the studio that day. Who the hell will write a diary at such time? I was just wondering what he must be thinking that day. It was very difficult to put in words. Actually, such situation can’t be expressed.
The Smile that was never seen by anybody for 10 years!
I am neither saying that it was your fault nor I am justifying myself, but the fact remains the same that the misunderstanding due to lack of frankness is growing between us. People these days have crossed the limits of diplomacy and have mixed profession with friendship. Rivalry rises from such mixed emotions and I am the child of rivalry. You may feel sometimes that I am your only friend, but trust me; I am not at all trustworthy.
Every move that I have made till now is not the sign of concern, but the investment made with forceful expectation. This is how I am and I can’t change myself, at least not for you. I have my own set of rules, and if you want to survive, you better adjust. You are left with no other option. Either you survive, outperform and succeed or you fail and lose.
We can never be friends as we are fighting for the same position. I have no intentions to put you down, but my selfishness demands it. If you are a fighter then I am your motivator. Take me as a challenge and you will surely gain something even if you lose. Our relationship is everlasting and mind you, you need me for your progress.
I am your constant companion. Yes, I am your competition.
(This letter is an art of fiction. You are free to relate it to anybody as I have no control over your thoughts, because I believe that thoughts are the only assets that you truly possess.)